sick of failing
Hello everyone...id like to say today is my new day 1 but I've written that on the calendar so often the last few years I'm afraid to do so. Compounding it is my marriage that's in the toilet, lingering depression & lonliness, and constant worry for my children. If I love them so much why do I continue to do what my mother did that made my childhood so lousy?
I've tried to fool myself into thinking that "I'm not as bad as my mom was" or I need to drink to cope with my emotionally absent husband or a hundred other things any given day. I feel sick as hell today but I still have it in the house...and I'm scared to get rid of it then "need it" once my husband gets home and another weekend of playing the invisible wife ensues. Looking for hope as I just can't see any on the horizon.