You are not letting anyone down if you do not drink. In fact, if you were the designated driver you would be the best friend forever in my eyes.
Alcohol is causing you problems. You do not like yourself because of alcohol.
You deserve a good life. You are worthy of a great life. You do not need to earn it, it is free . You simply need to reach out and grab that good life. Based on what you have written, alcohol is in the way.
Time to move forward, time to love yourself. Time to leave the alcohol behind.