I Was Guided Here
This is one of the hardest posts I'll ever type.
I found SR two years ago this month....with ***** search engines, out of desperation, poof there it was staring me in the face, I couldn't believe what I stumbled on, it's been one of the biggest blessings in my life, and continues to be. I never knew such places existed, wow a message board with people like me from all over the world.
How was I?...sick, emotionally physically and spiritually, was I ready to admit I was an alcoholic? I don't think so...who me? no way, I was a good Catholic girl, Catholic girls can't be alcoholics, no way. Anyway as time went on here, I would do ok, then not so ok, I was doing a lot better then I was on my own, I was putting more sober days together. Was learning as the days, weeks, months went by, boy did I have a lot to learn, a lot of work to do, what I learned here from all of you I'll always be grateful for it. The time you unselfishly spent typing messages to me, trying so hard to help me as I continued to drink, only getting deeper with it, finding out what progression meant, four user names later (nothing to be proud about). I soon found out what insanity is all about, no other word for my crazyness here.
I'm so grateful so many of you stuck with me, didn't give up when I was, I kept telling myself, what's the use, you know you'll never be able to do this, you live with a drinker, there's NO way you can do it...I pretty much convinced myself I was a no hoper, I was doomed with this till the day I die, a very very slow painful suicide is what it is. People here, some I'm close to would tell me I wasn't an alcoholic, I was crying out for help from loved one's here, so of course I'd listen to them, yeah you're right, I'm not an alcoholic, I just need to fix myself...ok I tried to fix myself, only got deeper, put myself in some not so good situations, in dangers way and not even aware of it because of black outs, always black outs.
SR taught me about AA, I've attended meetings along the way, I'm sorry, but it's not for me, I know a lot of you are shaking your heads, maybe so with good reason, I don't know.
Today my Higher Power is with me, I know for a fact He's here, I finally let Him in, I'm finally sober, finally calmer, I'm not afraid anymore.
I'm grateful beyond words being able to say, I'm a RECOVERING alcoholic, a RECOVERING one, finally.
Thank you so much SoberRecovery for all the wisdom and knowledge you've unselfishly given this bullheaded thick skulled woman, I can't express enough how you have saved me, my soul...I seen my soul a few months ago, it was dark, today it's not.
An extra special thanks for all the Don't Quit gang, if it hadn't of been for them I would have left a long time ago. So many kept telling me to come back, keep coming back. I remember thinking how dare I be here while I continued to drink, I didn't think I was worthy of being here, I thought we all had to be sober to be here, not realizing everyone is at a different stage with this..oh boy what I've learned, good old naive me. I love you so much Don't Quit gang, and all of SR....Thanks Jon, thanks so much.
Anna, you're my angel, today your wings are full, thank you for all the emails, always knowing what to say, never once giving up on me.
I have a long way to go, a lot of learning yet to do. Today I know I will be ok, I have my contract with so many precious signatures on it...it's my biggest treasure in the world.
All my love...still justme....Wings Freed today....Denise