For the last 10 years of my drinking "career" I was averaging about 18 beers per weeknight. Every Saturday and Sunday I could start earlier and could easily put away 24-36. If not for my job, I'm sure I could do that during the week as well. I thought I was screwed and would never be able to stop until I was dead. The morning shakes, depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, you name it, I had it. I eventually ended up in the ER with severe panic attacks. That was my wake-up call and I haven't had a drop of alcohol since that fateful day. That was nearly seven and a half years ago.
Bottom line, you gotta want to be sober more than you want to be drunk.
The good news is, we CAN and DO recover. If I can do it, so can you.