Congrats on day 40!
Please don't take out your anger of your wife's actions out on your kids. It's not their fault, they didn't do it. Don't believe the lie that your absence will have no effect on them. Don't let them believe that it's their fault that you don't wish to see them. You brought them into this world and your commitment to them has nothing to do with your wife's commitment to you. You have have a responsibility to them, don't let your pain control you and let you believe that you no longer have to live up to that responsibility.
Even though it's painful right now for you to see her, think of how painful it is for your kids to not see you. Do you really want to cause them the same pain that you yourself are trying to avoid? Please try to do what is right, they are blameless in all of this.