Sober, again, I empathize with you. I was beating myself up for providing easy access to booze for my friend during all stages of her illness. When she passed I uncovered hundreds of empty booze bottles hidden in my closets, drawers, etc. if she hadn't been drinking my wine she certainly had other sources.
A long time ago my husbands mother died on Christmas Eve and I made a point to continue with decorating, making the effort for his kids to remember the beauty in The season. This year I am making that effort for myself, going through the motions because I fear that having a dark house, no tree, would really spiral us downward when what we need is light, music, in memory of our housemate who loved Christmas, just drank a lot, I cherish her spirit.