Some great advice here Whopper
You just threw up your dinner - that alone should tell you that this way of life is getting more and more untenable.
Most of us, if we live long enough, have to face the certain misery of drinking versus the great unknown of recovery.
It's not that big a gamble tho
look around - thousands of happy people here who ovecme tough odds, and not just in addiction.
There's absolutely no reason why you cannot be one of these people too
D