Originally Posted by
Blankspace87 
Scott, I know how pathetic my statement sounds. But tomorrow night, for example, I am due to meet a family member who is a mom and doesn't get out much for Christmas cocktails. If I don't drink, I feel I have disappointed her. The work lunches are easier to opt out of drinking at (in theory...practice is harder due to aforementioned anxiety and self doubt. I feel like I'm only the 'me' people know when I'm warmed up with alcohol). If I at least manage that I will be reducing my intake this side of Christmas. It's not a solution but it's a compromise of sorts and mentally I need that.
It doesn't sound pathetic at all, it simply sounds like addiction. The more time you spend here or in the recovery community you'll learn to recognize the red flags that you have written above.
What exactly about the compromise do you "mentally need"? What do you think continuing to drink will help with for you? Nearly every justification you give above to keep drinking is to appease your notion that you are pleasing someone else by doing so. In reality, most people really don't even notice or care if we drink or not to be blunt.
But really ask yourself - what exactly will you gain by "cutting back"?