Thanks again for all your incredibly supportive replies.
I've been giving some consideration to my next steps and I really don't think I can quit drinking until January. I can understand how this might make some folk on here feel angry. I have too many social commitments but what I will do is REDUCE what I am drinking and try and be MINDFUL about it. There is an article in this months 'Red' magazine (UK) about mindful drinking. I am sceptical (ok, downright cynical) that this strategy could work for me long term. But I hope it can bridge me to January where my goal is 31 days alcohol free.
Today was a day where I have failed to attend work (i can work from home but it still doesn't look great) after a heavy session last night. I at least feel i have done something positive with the day by doing something I have never done before - putting my thoughts on paper, admitting I have a problem with my relationship with alcohol, asking for help. Thank you