Relapse is a danger until we understand that life is better, in every way, with no alcohol. Ever. The initial promise of release, excitement and enjoyment is a lie. It doesn't work that way for us now, and it never will again. That voice that says otherwise is a distorted and perverted survival drive gone wonky from all of that alcohol.
Accept that. Accept that we deserve a better life. We deserve a good life, free of this shame and sickness. Believe in yourself.
The way forward is free of this. Best to you, SS. You can do it.