I am the eldest child of an alcoholic, so I totally understand the codie needs for perfectionism and to be liked. However, after years of codie behavior and reaching into middle age and seeing that those behaviors got me nowhere but stomach ulcers from resentment and anxiety, I decided to take the advice around here and focus on myself. This helped me feel better about myself, more self-esteem, even more self compassion. I started giving to myself everything I was trying to get from others with my codependent behaviors and then when I started feeling more confident and fulfilled, what others thought of me naturally counted less and less. In fact, I had an "a-ha" moment at work the other day when a coworker and I had a little tiff. I felt she over-reacted to something that I did and I got quiet. She asked to talk to me in private. She started the conversation out with, "Now, DD, you know that I love you." I surprised both of us when my instantaneous response was, "You know, it is really not important that we like or love one another. Only that we respect one another is important." That one really threw her off balance and it made me feel like I had come a long way in my recovery.
