I said exah was a changed man in the post above. I was wrong. I went to Europe for a month as a trial run to the boys moving in with him and it was, from their dad's stepping up point of view, a disaster. They basically looked after themselves and did it very well tbh. He only saw them 3 or 4 times in the whole month and all 3 times bought alcohol in front of the boys. He is now incommunicado which means he on one.
I got home and both said no way would they go and live with him. So back to how we were. Feel relieved and also a tad trapped a the same time..