Also just chiming in here, I very much relate to your post. It is exhausting to try and be the best mom you can, make memories and experiences for your little ones...and to literally have dead, negative weight hanging around while things are supposed to be happy and enjoyable. Always in the background...Blame shifting and turning the conversation constantly back to them....It is time. And I agree with visualizing the future you want...it will build inside until that is all you will accept. MIL sounds like she is supportive which is a great relief I'm sure. Hang in there, and work towards your end goal! (peace)