Originally Posted by
Maudcat 
I know what you mean. My mom, as a result of a fall (she's fine. Nothing broken) got referred to local Community Nurses, who have been wonderful! Exercises to help her get stronger, personal care, light housekeeping. She really doesn't want any of it! I cannot get her to understand that she needs the help, the help is there, so let's take it. I have become tough in my approach, telling her that she needs to be able to get out of a chair without help and to be able to navigate around her home in a safe and stable way. Of course, she won't use the walker. The good (and bad) part of this is that I am there to help. In fact, I moved closer to her to be able to help. It's hard when they are far away. But..we do what we can.
Same here. When my dad was falling, back when they lived in AZ, I found services for them (which they could well afford), but they weren't using them. I had to go BACK a week after I left, on my last visit there, because it was pretty clear they couldn't be left alone. I couldn't help my dad shower (and I had to STOP my stepmom from doing it--I said, "Suppose he starts to fall and grabs you and pulls you down with him? Do you want side-by-side beds in the hospital?"), so they eventually let them come in while I was there, but good grief. We couldn't leave them alone till we got them packed up and moved. The other sibs (most of whom I had met maybe once or twice) were very helpful. We all pitched in and it truly was a joint effort.
I just got a text from the one daughter-in-law I've gotten to know the best, asking what they could do to help; offering to call to discuss. At this point, I told her, I think things are under control--told her about the conference call. I really don't want to get into the issue about giving money to the one family because I suspect the others don't know and I don't feel like it's my place unless it's critical. If I need to, I'll spill the beans, but I'd rather not put anyone in an awkward position if I can help it.