I could have also written every last word of your situation. I just wanted to offer, the last time the children were in the vehicle when my EAH was verbally abusive to me and I learned he was under the influence of drugs/alcohol while driving us (also, around the holidays I should add) was the last time we drove with him again. EVER. A new boundary for you and the kids possibly? It was months after implementing my personal no longer driving with my EAH boundary before I left. Also, FWIW, the night I did wind up leaving, after 15 years, when the verbal garbage was directed at both myself and young children was my personal rock bottom. I had finally had enough that all of the cautious planning I have always done my entire life went out the window. I left with the kids and one grocery sack of clothes and filed for divorce. It was months before I could have him legally removed from the residence. I have been a silent member of SR recovery for a year (and visitor for longer than that) and have never commented before. Your situation really resonated with me. When you have had enough, the fighter inside you won't let you down. You and your children will begin the strive and thrive in YOUR new life. I have found the experience extremely powerful to my well being. I should also note that I am no-contact with the EAH, since leaving and a regular Al Anon member.
Praying for you, thousandwords, and others who are walking a similar path for strength. When I left, I have never been so happy to have so little in my life, if I could go back in time and face the same decision I would do it all again in a heartbeat and sooner if I could. When you've had enough, you will know and be ready to act, even if you do not feel you are ready. Trust yourself.
