I can remember a conversation with my then 17 yo daughter. She was angry at me because it seemed I always had money for alcohol, but I didn't always get groceries. We got into a big fight. I told her I was tired of always being the bad guy, that everything that went wrong they all blamed on me. Well, truth is, I was the problem I couldn't see it when I was actively drinking. Definitely see it now. I used this fight and others like it to drink more. That was two years ago. Your husband may still be there, that guy you married. I hope he gets in recovery before you've had enough. You deserve to see him again. Your fight in the car reminded me of this one. There were many. I work everyday trying to make up for these things. Hopefully, someday he will too.