Also, wanted to add, that just by seeing the term "emotionally hiding" made me realize that's exactly how I used to be, and still am but have improved so much. I just googled it, and yup. That's me. I no longer put up an emotional mask with AH, and when it contradicts what he expects of me it angers him. I'm no longer a robot to him.
Thank you FS for sharing that author, I know you've mentioned it before. Sharing that just now really helped me.