Originally Posted by
Gottalife 
Good point. I Weill rembered the total despair that went with the unintended consequences of drinking. I have a vivid memory of landing face first in a cell, devastated that what was supposed to have been an evening of conviviality had ended in such a disastrous way yet again.
Thanks for sharing your experience, Mike. The cunning, baffling part of our disease is real.
Getting in to trouble with the law was the furthest thing from my mind when I took the fatal first drink. The frustration and despair was brought on by a conscience that told me I was gravely in the wrong, and no matter how I tried, I couldn't do the right thing. It was becoming hopeless. I can completely understand how, being unable to see a way out, this man decided to end it all.
I think a lot of non alcoholics don't understand this. It's hard for us to see the insanity that precedes the first drink when we aren't in recovery yet. Then we beat ourselves up because we know what we're doing is wrong, we don't want to do it again, but we cannot stop. It leads us all to feeling hopeless which could lead to being suicidal.
I had another friend, still alive as far as I know. He had five duis, blackouts, broken marriages, and none of it ever bothered him. He still drinks and drives, never thinks of the consequences. In his own words he doesn't care what happens. Quite a different outlook.
That's a good point. This is the type we rarely see in recovery.
It could almost be said that Bill was a good man but sick, while my friend was a bad man, also sick.
Thank you so much for posting this distinction. You explained it beautifully.