I think there is a major difference in normal healthy relationships then in codependent/alcoholic ones.
Even keel reminds me somehow of keeping score. I did this, he did that, etc. always looking for a balance based on I did this for them so they should be doing X for me.
I think in a healthy relationship love is without condition. In a toxic one love comes with conditions of someone else having to change, they need to stop drinking/drug then I will be more affectionate, etc. In a healthy relationship there is talk without intention. In a toxic one the talk usually revolves around someone having to stop drinking/drugs, manipulation with intention that one will get their own way in getting the other to do what why want. In a healthy relationship listening without judging or interrupting occurs. In a toxic one listening falls on deaf ears or hope hangs on every false word and the same conversation happens over and over and over again.
Bottom line you are not happy with who he is today where he seems quite content with who he is.