ItsViolet-
Glad you posted. I can relate to a good bit of what you wrote.
I just went to see my psych yesterday - it is out of pocket for me and very expensive, so that was one reason I had put it off for the past few weeks; I had been trying to apply my program tools (AA), emotional work, use of support system (sponsor, sober bf, etc), to work through what were increasingly common episodes of mild depression and - big flag for me- strong desire to isolate. I am at 9.5 months (289 days). Like others side, recovery has been an ebb and flow for me - and it's been mostly good- but I'm at a point in the journey where different things are striking chords PLUS it is the holidays.
I did not realize how much discomfort this would bring. I thought "hey, I'm sober! It's going to be the best year in a long time!" Well, true on the first part- not so easy on the second.
IME meds are crucial to keeping my emotional health on a steady path. My regimen had included lamictal (for BPD symtoms though greatly diminished thanks to my sobriety), campral (For cravings), seroquel (for sleep, nightly) and Ativan (as needed). Yesterday we decided to add Paxil at a low dose for the first week, then to increase a little; we also increased the dosage of the Ativan as needed. I've been needing it. My dr considers this the best way to give me a little support right now. IMO and IME, good drugs can be a wonderful tool for overall mental health for lots of people, not just alcoholics.
Like others have said, I am trying to stick closer to my program and really work on the isolation urges by calling myself out to my sponsor and boyfriend - he and I are very close and in contact all through the day so I have shared warning signs of me pulling away too much or otherwise shutting him out.
I am also seriously considering a change to my holiday plans. If this is part of your stress, too, perhaps you can examine that. As my dr said yesterday,your parents do want you with them at Christmas this year and will be disappointed if you aren't - but they want a sober, calm, healthy daughter a lot more.
Hang in there- keep sober and keep taking care of yourself.