"(Not that anything happened with the director, it was just the idea of opening up to the possibility of something better than turmoil. It really scared me!)"
^^^This is where every ounce of your attention & energy should be -
focused on you - on a healthy relationship with yourself. I have learned people connect with people on the level of their woundedness. Healthy attracts healthy. Sounds like healthy is very frightening to you right now.