DoubleDragons

Aries again, I think you hit the nail on the head with this. I liken it to being like an empty pitcher that can only hold so much liquid, and all of the negative experiences with our alcoholics starting filling up that pitcher until finally, it can even just take the "smallest" event to realize that there is just no more room in that pitcher. Honestly, the heart searing resentment I would feel after family events in which my mom kept it somewhat together was sometimes worse than I felt during her ugly drunken moments. (I was resenting all of the worry I felt anticipating the event and annoyed to see that sometimes she COULD keep it together, so I was trying to make sense of why she didn't always keep it together)

I feel for all of us. I think that the waffling gets more intense around the holidays because of all of the melancholy, and expectations that the holidays often hold for us.