Kids first. Take AH out of your equation, because he removed himself long long ago. he is thinking of no one but himself. you think spent sleepless hours in an online forum, pouring his heart out and asking for support to help make things right???
he's crossed many lines. booze in the CAR SEAT? at 4, your child knew where he kept his stash. at FOUR.
i wish you strength and clarity as you move forward.