Sometimes I don't like to count the days I'm sober
Has anyone else felt this way? I feel like I want sobriety to be something ordinary. The norm, not an achievement.
I've been off and on drinking for so long that I genuinely lost track of the last time I was drinking and stopped. I've been relapsing but with less and less frequency and less intensity each time. When I relapse I remember then that drinking was not as pleasant as it was in my fantasy and more painful than I remembered.
Maybe I won't ever drink again this time and if I don't, I just want it to happen. I don't want to count the days since I quit, I want to forget that I ever thought it was a good idea to drink. I don't want to even have to make an effort to quit. I just want to have an aversion to alcohol, an understanding that it is poison and it hurts to drink it and of course I won't do that again.
Right now, I honestly wonder why I ever did drink and can't recall when that was.