Honestly, I can't tell if there is any "alcoholism" here. There are a lot of folks that drink moderately and even heavily that are not alcoholic. Personality changes in relationships are not so rare and they many if not most times have nothing to do with alcohol and drugs. I think we have a tendency to always look for a cause and alcohol is the most obvious choice. I really wish you the best, but your situation sounds a bit more complex than your husband having a drinking issue.