Wow, just wow Smig. You truly are hoeing one hell of a row. Argh.
I am so glad you posted and hope you can get the support you need to do what is best for your family. Unfortunately whatever you do feelings of guilt and (if you do divorce him) abandonment are pretty normal for all of us. Go ahead listen to those feelings respectfully and then do what you need to do to protect yourself and your children.
This disease has no respect for marriage, children, life, family or anything decent in this world. Please circle every wagon you can.
Big hug and let us know how you are doing.