Originally Posted by
thousandwords53 
I hate this. We had a decent weekend. Nothing tragic to add to my dear diary, except some small verbal exchanges that aren't worth repeating . All couples surely disagree and get annoyed at each other. I just have a hard time knowing what I should be bothered by. I go between feeling hyper-vigilent for the slightest red flag, and letting bigger things slide because I'm so desensitized.
So I waffle in my plans. Second guess them. Worry. Don't trust myself. I enjoyed my AH this weekend. I have read through some of my old posts.
Is this normal to go in waves? My thinking is that I should be dead set 100% of the time.
I am even second guessing myself in posting this.
Gahhhhhh. I get annoyed at myself, lol.
I've done the same type of comparisons to justify hanging around a little longer. That selective memory tries to take over, don't let it happen.
I had to force myself to remember a lot since I left. I remembered things from years ago where he let me down, didn't keep his word, embarrassed me, lied, etc,...
Once you start thinking about all the sh*t you've been through and have to think about leaving or staring down another 5, 10, 20 years of this mess, then leaving looks good. It's still hard as hell though. Sending support your way.