Since my fiances return from rehab things have been okay.... the first few weeks were lovely! However, slowly but surely it's all feeling a bit strange. We're back to the being gone all day.... coming home with droopy eyes, lying about going to meetings, new "friends" who I don't know. . The list goes on and on and none of it seems to add up to him working recovery. He's up all night again and has no tolerance for my questioning. Funny isn't it? We do everything for them, support them in rehab, meet with counselors, call off work to attend counseling sessions in a rehab an hour and a half away..... provide them with every cigarette and snack in rehab, thousands on a credit card for rehab and YET AMAZINGLY we can't even ask them a question or we are the worst people in the world. I can't even begin to explain to you how devastating the realization that the third... yes THIRD rehab has been for nothing. I'm just so sick of it! I remember feeling so sad and upset for him, begging god to help him see a way out of this! Not even for me, not even because I want to keep our life and go about being happy people... but because I don't want to see him in jail or dead. I'm to the point now that I just can't even stand the sight of him..... the lying right to my face, the dumb expression on his face when he's trying to bully me into believing he isn't using, or the hearing him up all night until 5am when I have to be up for work. It's all just becoming annoying more than anything!!! Up all night, sleep all day, disappearing from 2-12 with "friends" who have no names just doesn't seem like recovery to me! I'm just so over it and I'm feeling like there is just no way out of this for him. Hopefulness is gone,... I'm just defeated
