Well, lots of good questions from people. This thread has been great for getting me to think through the issues.
First thing that comes to mind is that it's not so much the emotional intimacy I fear, because I do want that. The physical act of sex is terrible without it. I have had a few good situations where everything has been lovely for a few months - good levels of physical chemistry and emotional closeness.
The second thought is that the closeness that I do fear is what I think of as the invasion into my life - the sanctity of my own space, my choices of how I want to live, how I spend my money, where and when I wish to travel, the plans I make for my future etc. The thought of losing my independence makes me want to run for the hills.
So when I have something that is working, what I fear is the part of me that suddenly wants to make what is a beautiful, fun, joyful, passionate arrangement an exclusive and long term relationship. It's irrational because that tendency to try to "close" around the relationship is not what I want, if I were to think logically. And it ruins a perfectly good arrangement.
I agree that inviting sex into the mix will cause drama. But to be blunt, that's what this whole idea is for. Just dating in the ordinary way and getting onto the "relationship escalator", testing out the guy, wondering if he'd make a good life partner etc. etc. is not what this is about.
My ideal, really, is to have the great single life I have right now but with the excitement of a good partner or more. I just seem to be my own worst enemy in kiboshing that when it becomes a distinct possibility.
And as for my sobriety, August, you're absolutely right. That's within my own control.
I'm still not 100% clear on all of it and still thinking about it but I think that's not a bad thing. I suppose if I am going to continue to attempt a not too conventional approach to relationships then it doesn't hurt to keep contemplating upon it.
From that perspective, all of your points of view are welcome. I may not agree with some of the positions, particularly where I feel I have already internally rejected the social conditioning / restriction that comes with it. But I appreciate the input.
I will still go on the date though. For sure.