good on ya for a year and another 1st in sobriety for ya- a date!
the one thing that caught my attention was this:
"Part of me is also scared that I am acting out addictive behaviour or avoiding intimacy, without admitting to myself that that's what is really going on, and that I am risking my sobriety pursuing this. "
just my opinion but it seems the intimacy thing is a problem- possibly either one or more past events coming into play that weren't very positive experiences- past feelings/emotions come to surface which have come up before and instead of learning the whys of them ya drank and stuffed it?
the good news is this date will only be a risk if you allow it to be- only you can get alcohol into your body.
when I got sober I had a jillion and one feelings/emotions/past experiences I had to address and learn causes and conditions. until I did that, every time those feeling/emotions/ past experiences would pop up, id want a drink. drinking was how I (thought) I stopped that crap going on in my melon, but in reality it didn't. it only delayed it.
then there was learning to BE. I learned to BE by living. by going through life experiences I had only done drunk.
lots of bumps along the road, but that's how ive learned