Distortions of thought
Aka Stinkin' Thinkin'
We all know this term from AA, but do we really understand what it is? I felt like writing on this topic and maybe I can give someone who needs it a fresh perspective.
Tonight I sent out a Facebook message to 24 friends I wanted to mail Christmas cards to. I said I wanted to do it the old fashioned way, send actual Christmas cards, and if they wanted one, could they send me their snail mail address. I got one reply back that stated that individual's email address.
Naturally, I checked myself. Had I been clear on which type of address I wanted? My message could have been more explicitly worded, I could have said home mailing address, but my message was sufficient for getting my point across. So it only took me a moment to verify that yes, I had been clear. I did not stay trying to figure it out. I did not say "I think I was clear". I said "I was clear". That one recipient misunderstood me. The others understood.
In another conversation I had today, I asked someone if their fears about relapse were related to feeling unworthy of success. He replied that he THINKS he is beyond that phase of his life. He THINKS that these feelings are behind him. So this got me thinking.
This is the definition of addictive thinking, as it is detailed in the first chapter of Abraham Twerski's Addictive Thinking.. It was one of the first things I ever read that began to shed light on things for me. He talks about a client who says to him "I now know that it is impossible for me to stop on my own, maybe." It is either impossible or it is possible. A student says her paper is finished by she still has some work to do on it yet. The paper is either finished or it still needs some work. It can't be both. And this is what the addictive mind does, in all situations, or at least many situations. It seems unsure of where it stands.
I know exactly where I stand at all times now. I stand in the present moment, with my eyes toward the abundance that lies ahead. I won't even say that I TRY to do this. I DO do this. I refuse to question it or to be mired by uncertainties in this, because it is IMPERATIVE that I live this way.
I do not hit the mark 100% of the time, I am an imperfect person. I do think about my past, a lot actually. It comes up, I say "No, I don't want that thought" and I don't stay in it, I move on. I wasn't present in every moment of today, I'll tell ya that. While outside helping my parents decorate the house, twice I got lost in my own thoughts. The first time I was daydreaming about a trip to the British Virgin Islands. The second time I got distracted by a tall pine tree which reminded me of my trip to Alaska years ago. I caught myself and returned to the present, amused that these were the places my mind goes now. Again, it still goes to the wrong things, the painful things, but since it no longer gets stuck there, it can play with delightful ideas like vacationing!
And here's what I know: The past is past, and my future hasn't happened yet. I haven't created it yet. I can not know what it will bring. If I head back to school in January with the mindset that because I failed at other things in the past I will fail at this thing, I will fail, because I am only focused on failure. If all I think about is relapse, that's going to manifest itself. I am actively creating it.
Stinkin' Thinkin' is like you're in the thickets of the swamp. You're wallowing around in the mucky muck, and you just assume you're stuck there, because you're stuck there! You are just complaining about the stink instead of focusing on getting the heck out of there and in to the shower.. lol