ATG - I'm sorry for your feelings and break down last night. I hope things are looking clearer today.
I briefly skimmed through your threads to see what has happened to bring you to where you are today. It has been a long path, I'm sorry for that.
I hope that through this journey you have found either face-to-face meetings, a therapist or something else for yourself. It is helpful to realize (by real-live human beings) that you are not alone and that your recovery and sanity is what is important - to you.
You are in my thoughts.