lizatola

I know, I saw those things too, and early on. The good has always outweighed the bad with him honestly. I've seen what's out there through my own eyes and through my friends' eyes who are still dating after years of just trying to meet a normal guy to just enjoy their company at dinner with or something. Honestly, my own sponsor has been dating for the past few years and she's the wisest, most self confident woman I know who has a great career and has been a single mom for 15 years now, has said that she feels that 95% of the men she meets are undateable in our age bracket. She just wants to find a guy to have dinner with once a week but she has met more married men looking to score, had one guy who she had great report with last month and he finally admitted to her that he likes to drink alone and ALOT and hoped it wouldn't be a problem for her (she's a double winner and has been sober for 20 years now), or they have severe emotional handicaps or mental health issues or can't get their sh*t together in one way or another.

I'm not afraid to be alone. I like my own company honestly but I think being in this relationship has helped me learn more about me and what I bring that is both unhealthy and healthy, as well.

So, about his controlling ways. I was telling my son a bit about the car issue and he retorts back to me, "Controlling? Yeah, mom, right, like you'd know nothing about that! You are SOOOO NOT controlling. hahahaha!"

Ok, kid, lesson learned. I parent people all the time and for years I didn't even know I did it, and I've done it to my bf, as well. Before we moved in together he told me I'd have to work at being less bossy and I told him he'd have to work at being less controlling. Go figure, we both knew what we were getting.

I know I do it to other people, too. And, I always want things done MY way and I will argue over why something needs to be done that way. I know I do it, I try to shut my mouth, but it's part of my own control issues, as well. I 'should' my sister constantly and I remember doing my stepwork and making amends to her for that, but I just did it to her last week! UGH!

So, it's definitely a place where the bf and I clash but I honestly think I'm more aware of my shortcoming when it comes to this than he is, probably because I have program behind me and some good program friends who tell me to knock it off.

As for the car, I will be honest as I was before. Not paying for the Tesla. That's on him. Unless we're married or pooling our finances in some way by then that's equitable or if he wants to put my name on the car. He was willing to put the Audi in my name because he knew I was uncomfortable with not having a car in my name but I just don't want to drive it. It's too old and I'll be worried every time I drive it if it's going to crap out on me or if I'll have to sink $1000 into it in 2 months time.

And, as for the emotional lack of expression from my bf. I already mentioned that I can live without flowers, roses, poems, and professions of everlasting love, lol. To me, I just want to know that we're on the same page or heading down the same path in where we are together. I just don't want either one of us to settle.

Ha, and after my complaining yesterday I was out Christmas shopping and he got home from golf and texted me, "Hi! Just got home. Phone died earlier. Where's my hot girlfriend?" I have a good man, I just have to keep working on me and setting boundaries. Practicing my program as I go.