Hi, chrcarlson. I recognize your handle from reading your posts and comments when I was an unregistered lurker around these parts. 314 days alcohol-free is amazing! Congratulations on that accomplishment!
Speaking as someone who has been on the "on again, off again" cycle since roughly January, but particularly since early September when I registered here, I encourage you to recapture what you had during your sober stretch and improve upon it. You don't want to be stuck on this roller coaster again, believe me. Heck, I'm only 7 days alcohol-free, and I don't want back on that coaster, either! It's time to find a calmer carnival ride.
Please, please reconsider the direction you're headed, and change course. I wish you well in your recovery journey.