Awww man. Sorry things took a downwards turn. *hugs*.
What's the plan now? You're talking a lot about the problem (your current relaspe) but I don't hear anything in there about stopping and getting back on the road to recovery. It might pay to kinda force yourself to get solution focussed.
I know that's hard - especially when you're actively drinking and the AV is so loud. I kind of picture yours at the moment swinging you some kind of John Wayne scenario where you're hoiking off into the distance - one man and his bottle alone and against the world kinda stuff. Probably not how it's happening and that's just a memory of my own of that kind of thinking. Ha. Calamity Janet eat your heart out - I was some duff cowgirl lol.
Anyway. More importantly. How can we help ya? X