Life doesn't have to be a daily struggle
Hi everyone. It's been quite a while since I've been on here. I wanted to pop in and give an update, as well as encouragement to others. It's now been 9 months since I decided to divorce my STBXAH (yes, we're still officially marrried, but mostly because I want to stay on his insurance into early next year). He moved out in May.
I know I am luckier than a lot of others, as STBXAH is still very involved in our children's lives and I have a couple days each week without them, which has been essential to my healing...time for me to focus in on the things I need to be doing for myself. I've learned that it's okay to be selfish at times.
Life isn't perfect and it's been a rough road, but just recently, I've started realizing how different I feel now. I don't know any other way to describe it other than I have peace. I don't wake up everyday with anxiety right off the bat. On Fridays, I actually look forward to the weekend instead of dreading it. I'm not constantly overwhelmed. I'm now taking pride in myself and my home and accomplishing things that have been on my to-do list for 13 years. My hair is thicker due to not falling out. I actually sleep through the night. I could go on and on...
I thought this holiday season would be hard, but it was so nice having Thanksgiving yesterday without worrying about STBXAH drinking or just being in a foul mood. Even though he wasn't openly drinking the last couple years of our marriage, he was still a dry drunk. Holidays were always stressful with him because he would be bugging me to leave our family get togethers as soon as possible or he'd be sitting off by himself on his damn phone.
I definitely have a long ways to go, but life is now what I always wanted it to be: simple. I can focus on my kids, myself, and my career. I no longer live life walking on eggshells or waiting for the next chaotic incident to occur.
For those you out there who are struggling or terrified to take the plunge and leave your alcoholic, just know, it can be done and you will amaze yourself with your own strength.