I know what you mean. I went through a strange where it seemed like everywhere I looked, and everything I heard or smelt or tasted acted as some reminder or another of one painful memory or another.
I don't know if you already looked at the 12-steps of the AA recovery program. If you have you may have noticed that only the first step even mentions alcohol. The other eleven are also, about dealing with that pain - the harms we caused, the fears and resentments that we have hauled around for years and years. For me, and many others, working those steps has been an amazingly freeing experience.
I hope and pray that you decide to give recovery a really good shot and reach out for the help of the fellowship - with 100% willingness - and that you are soon experiencing freedom from the shackles of your fears and ego, as you clear away the wreckage of your past.
Wishing you all the best for your recovery. BB.