I have been between jobs (just a week, and by choice) and having a lot of free time on my hands. I got up early yesterday to go to the office then came home and got some things done, did my usual daily online things, like this and facebook, and then I found myself just sitting there with nothing to do. But I couldn't relax and enjoy that leisure time, I needed to DO something. So I found a guided meditation for peace. I made sure it was only about ten minutes, I didn't want to stay in it for very long, but it actually moved me to tears. Just as a release of everything I was holding on it, as I worked on letting go of a crazy work situation.
Today I was able to get closure on it by telling my former boss and now my boss again as of today, everything that had happened.. we talked in generalities and with no names, since I'm not on that home care case anymore, but she needed to understand what dynamics were causing her caregiver turnover. So I eased in with the most mundane and fixable issues there, and then finally told her about the big bad part of the situation..
I was able to tell her about the situation honestly and openly, from a place of understanding where everyone involved must have been coming from.. It was a situation where it would have been easy for me to have animosity towards all parties and to blame them, burn bridges and hold grudges.. I totally own my part in creating the dynamic that went on.. I told her that. And the issues were ones she needed to be aware of going forward as she sends other caregivers in to that home.
It was very important for me to get closure by allowing something good to come out of it. Nothing can be done about my experience, nothing can make it different than what it is, but hopefully I've made my friend's (boss's) job easier and prevented a bad very toxic situation from unfolding with a different person in my seat. And I take my lessons with me: establishing clear boundaries in all situations at all times, but especially professional ones. I could have gotten myself in way deeper and could have had my reputation as a caregiver ruined - and I'm still trying to get a nursing degree here. I flirted, pressed someone's buttons and acted in inappropriate ways just because I was bored and those buttons were there.. He responded for a long time the way I wanted him to.. No one is at fault, it was just that after a year I was faced with a mirror that showed me the whole situation very clearly, and I could no longer look at it, be in it.
It spooked me, 3 months in to sobriety, to look at the things I'd been doing over the past year. I was ashamed of what I was seeing. Not dwelling on that by any means, just saying, it was time to walk away.
Sorry so vague, I hope some of the salient points shone through, as it relates to emotional maturity.