I don't know how long you've been sober since your relapse but it does take some time. For me it also takes a program.
When I first quit 13 years ago I thought if I could quit for a year that I'd somehow be cured. So I quit for a year, started again, not cured. Then came years of trying to moderate, quitting completely for many different periods of abstinence studded by relapse after relapse. I guess I was just interrupting my benders...sometimes for up to 2 years. But I wasn't working a consistent program. I always knew I was an alcoholic and in hindsight really knew in my heart that I could never drink normally. He!! I didn't want to drink normally. I wanted oblivion.
So at 97 days I am working a program. 3-4 AA meetings a week plus a volunteer meeting at a hospital. I have a sponsor. I know there's a lot more I can be doing but I'm making progress. I know that my level of serenity is in direct proportion with my acceptance that won't/can't drink again....ever. So what I'm saying is, I'll never be 'over' this. I'll never be able to not work my program. Ever. I'm ok with that. I work out everyday, I clean house, I pay my bills, I eat right, I sleep, I parent, I work my recovery. Its just part of my routine. And I hope I never forget that.
I read a post yesterday where someone was putting 'one day at a time' in the same sentence with 'white knuckling'. Its not, not even close. One day at a time is synonymous with mindfulness. Its acceptance that this moment is exactly as it should be, no matter what. That I don't need to unnaturally alter it with a substance or a controlling, fear based behavior.
Wow, sorry. It takes what it takes. One day at a time.