Thanks for your replies.
I wrote a long response, but reading it over I saw it is too personally-identifiable. Suffice it to say I'm satisfied I'm trying, I push myself into all kinds of social activities, whether they are 1-1, small group, large group, internet, in person, for games or for mutual advancement in a skill. In my career I am creative and build tools that help people do real jobs that help yet more people. I'm extremely organized and get stir crazy if I'm idle for more than a day or two.
When I say I lack support I'm not saying I'm a loner. I treat people with kindness, and listen to their problems, ask questions about their interests, am genuinely interested in them, and give them advice and consolation they seem to like, and by appearance I'm fairly well liked. I mean it's not a two way street, even with friends of 5 or 10 years running, and it can make me really hate them and not want to see them anymore when they give a callous word or silence as I reach out to them, a perfunctory response just totally out of their scope. And alright if that was just 1 or 2 friends, but that is my experience with everyone I've met, with people I thought I could really trust before I shared anything sad. To not be able to get that 3rd perspective from a trusted person is what really kills me. And when I realise that's the case with someone, suddenly I'm not choosing to keep a burden away from them, it's a requirement, and I can't be open or feel free to say what I want to say. Which makes the conversation stilted, and me a little less than pleased when what they want to talk about is less than stellar, since they've shot me down. Or even if it's not about sharing something, it just seems way more convenient for everyone to make me do the transit than to ever let me play host, however many ignored invitations I give, and then to finally get them here, like I've guilted them into it. So I get very confused, because they wouldn't invite me if they disliked me, but I don't feel liked if they refuse invitations.
So it's still a long response, but I guess with less specifics. I like to deal in specifics usually, but there's this matter of personal safety on the internet.
Anyway, it doesn't invalidate any of your replies. The difference between no friends and no support is only very superficial. But I would like to clear up this idea that I could only possibly be where I am because I'm a thinker and not a doer. You can only get your heart so broken when you do things and don't get the results you wanted. Much easier to live in a fantasy land where you could do anything if only you tried, as I experienced personally when I found someone I liked a lot who I thought "I don't have to share anything sad because I already know it would be met with support," only to find out 3 years later the first such thing I shared would have the other party terminate our connection, much to my consternation. I had told myself I was learning from past mistakes of being overwhelming, but really I was delaying an inevitable disappointment, making it more potent as I continued to happily pretend I was doing well and had found someone who cared about me. Well, that's a little unfair, because people do seem to care about the sunny side of me, but I get so jealous of people who think you can talk about your problems to a close friend, cause so far as I can see I can't.