Welcome back Charx. My guess is that the reason you do this is that you are an alcoholic like me and most of the rest of the folks here on SR. There really no good answer to why either, we simply are.
Antabuse can help you stop drinking, but it is not a cure for addiction in itself. It's just a pill that makes you sick if you drink alcohol. And it's designed to be used as a supplement to a recovery program of some kind. Have you tried meetings or rehab or therapy at all?