Soberlicious, it disgusts me too that I spent so many years serving my Beasts desire for alcohol, above the needs of the people I love. It will never happen again. There is never any reason to drink, apart from this driving desire to, and just because you feel the desire of the Beast sometimes, that is still no reason at all, but there are plenty of reasons not to. Reading on this forum, reinforces that for me at this time when I feel a little vunerable, emotionally. I may feel vunerable at the moment, but there is no danger I will drink because I think I have developed a hatred of the Beasts desire to drink that is stronger than It's urges to drink.