Agreed, biminiblue and ScottFromWI.
I don't think I have it worse than anyone. I think I'm having trouble for a number of reasons. I haven't been dealing with aging very well, and feel awfully alone and alien. I want to escape.
I know I feel better when I don't drink. And yet I know the weekend will come again, and I'll think "to heck with it." I need to short circuit that nonsense.
Leaving myself a video message reminder, among other things. I can't keep going like this.