Originally Posted by LillianGish

Hi Kiki,
I don't have any huge words of advice. I had to distance myself from my own mother a few years before she passed away and I do know a little bit about how painful that is - on many levels. We grow up groomed and by biological instinct to look to our parents for love and acceptance. And when it isn't there....it is very difficult to know their dysfunction isn't our fault. Even when I logically knew this....to feel unloved by a mother is deeply and profoundly painful. Shame on her.

Not everyone has a wonderful mother. And no, we don't have to love them no matter what. And it's ok to tell them that. You know all this, but if it helps....I validate your feelings of how hard your path is in life.

Sounds like alcohol has stopped being the successful numbing of pain. What do you think your inner you is telling you now? Where do you go? Pain prompts us to change. If it weren't painful....we wouldn't change.

Listen carefully inside you. The answers are there in quiet moments....practice stillness and listen to the whispers of you. You are very smart. I think you'll find the answer very soon.

Very big hugs for you.