Sunflower- you write rational words. How booze causes you to feel. the dreams you have, plans, family. Also that something is not right. You allude to drinking behaviour is not logical. Of course it is not. So looking at it logically to 'cure' don't work for me. I just have to accept I cannot drink. Period. I change- become nasty and fall over. Lots of other stuff as well. Point is booze does not play by rules and it plays dirty. Support is essential- SMART, AA, whatever works. You have the awareness- the trick is what to do about it.