Wow. You are raising some great kiddos.
I hope for everyone's sake this sinks into his brain. The neighbor bit gives me the shivers. On my fourth night sober a well-meaning neighbor brought me a cold beer after the two of us had spent the whole day coping with a sewer flood in my basement. I said, "No, thanks," and it really was the moment I believed I could DO this (she had no idea about my problem). Sometimes help comes in unexpected ways.