I still haven't made a move at work... It's work, it's my income, I don't have to make an unsure move with that... This is mostly me talking to myself lol
There will never be a time when it is appropriate to tell the person on the other side of this codependent relationship that they have been treating me wrong. They may get angry, deny it, argue, get depressed, or go back and forth between all these before accepting. They may never accept it. They would truly be grieving the loss of something they counted on for a year now. They really counted on me being there in the capacity I have been...
I can, however, stick up for myself appropriately in situations that come up as we go forward. My current exit plan? Starting with the new company, and dropping the old one at such a time that the new company give me full time hours.. They will accept cases based on having a caregiver who lives near them, and I can go to them.
This is just going to be my dumping ground for thoughts... Since I have accepted that I will never be able to approach these people about my feelings and thoughts, I am afraid I will find myself being passive-aggressive... The cat brought a field mouse up on the porch and I saw it there and could have removed it but left it for HIM just 'cause! :P
I feel like I need ways to vent.. hopefully I will do it more constructively...
I hope I don't slip and say things I shouldn't. I have become comfortable being myself and I am a loud mouth. The one niece of the lady I take care of is really childish a lot of times.. I envision myself just calmly saying "You must be very much at home in your second grade classroom". Maybe if I dump it here, I won't dump it on her in real life. I was going to say it very nicely!!
I have been ragging on a lot of people responding to the Clinton loss but ***** footing around it.. measuring their words and clearly avoiding saying what they mean.. SHUT UP AND SAY SOMETHING REAL!!!!
I have found I have no more tolerance for people who were the way I was before.
Example from the past: I was talking to two women and suddenly they had a funky face on. It was hard to read, it could have been disgust, or confusion, or offense, or I don't even know what, lots of things that weren't good.. it just wasn't a nice face. I didn't know what to say, I suspected perhaps they might not have heard me.. I had made that same face at people before when they got my name wrong or said something I couldn't hear, because I was afraid to say "My name is..." or "I didn't hear you".
Why are we afraid of something so simple to do? Why do we want to risk offending or confusing the issue by just making an ugly face and not speaking up? 'Cause let me tell you something, who I am right now, if I ran in to a stranger and they gave me that look, and I was in a particularly bad mood, I would have smacked that look right off their face. That would be an off chance, but in general I would just out right say "What's the look for?" I would have no problem with that. Would I get offended if someone said to me, however nicely, "What's the look for?" Yeah I would if i were insecure or in a bad mood. Do I care if I offend someone without meaning to? No, because I am just trying to facilitate clear communication.
Why can't more people speak up and communicate effectively?? Wouldn't we all get along so much better??