Mylifeismine,
Thank you for your reply. I do have plans to go to Al Anon, arranging for child care and all that fun stuff. Right now my alanon/therapy/friend time is at the gym, or running. Lifting heavy weights and challenging myself in healthy ways keeps my sanity. Kids get to come along too and play, if they're not at their grandma's.
And no, I don't want them to think that is ok. I do have age appropriate conversations with them so they know I expect better from them. They know which parent to trust and depend on. That being said, I am working on an exit strategy. It is weighing heavy on my heart as this isn't something I want or wish I had to do, but something I need to do.
He has shown me several times that he is unwilling to quit drinking. Forever. As well as see a professional for his pent up anger and depression /personality disorder.
I really appreciate everyone here. Thank you!