"I have not attended any Al-Anon as of yet. I haven't been able to make it a priority in my daily life unfortunately. ( It also scares me to go but I'm a big girl and need to get over that"
I am sorry you are going through this, you are living with a bully and
degrading and belittling you is his coping mechanism for handling
frustration and not feeling repulsed by his own behavior.
Please get to al anon meetings as much as possible. It may take going
to a few different meetings to find one that helps you. Start making
yourself a priority in your life, it is the road to a healthy, happy heart
and soul.
I'm sure others have mentioned you are role modeling for your
children, and i'm sure you don't want any of them to grow up
thinking it's ok to treat someone like that, or to accept it from
someone.
When I started to really value myself and the serenity I wanted in
my life, everything changed. Al anon has been invaluable to me,
and I sincerely hope you will consider it.