Old 11-06-2016, 10:20 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Algorithm
 
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Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 847
Originally Posted by JustFine View Post
We moved in together 3 months ago and tonight when he came home he was pretty well lit.
It really bothered me. I havent been in the best place in my own sobriety the last month or so and have been fighting my beast weekly....
I know from your posts that you were using AVRT, so consider that it was not you, but rather your Beast, that felt bothered by its own deprivation staring it in the face. It -- not you -- is jealous of others who drink.

Maintain that crucial separation. It is the essence of AVRT, and it is what will keep you from fighting with your Beast unnecessarily.

Originally Posted by JustFine View Post
He may not drink again for another month and just have a beer then. However, is this going to work.... does this ever work?
It can and does, but you seem to have internalized the idea that you are 'an alcoholic', different from 'normal drinkers', and therefore somehow abnormal, in need of segregation. This is not the case, because people who never drink are not dependent on alcohol.

They are simply common teetotalers (non-drinkers), like more than a quarter of the US population. It is perfectly normal to never drink.

Originally Posted by JustFine View Post
Hes a great boyfriend he just isnt alcoholic... We are talking marriage and i just need opinion.... i know the first year is hell but, should i dump the most sensitive amazing guy i have ever met and look for a fellow alcoholic?
If you are never going to drink again, why would you want to marry back into addiction? That is essentially what you are considering, and what you are asking about. Limiting your choice of partners to people who define themselves by their addiction to alcohol.

I could certainly be wrong, but I think the problem here is that you are allowing the uncertainty principles of tentative abstinence to dictate your life. If your addiction is over, AVRT-style, those principles need not apply.

The first year, or any other year, is hell only for your Beast. Perhaps your Beast is the one that is actually looking for a mate, in the form of another Beast to bond with?
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